celebrating...

last week i felt like i had been given a victory in my heart.

i knew that i was not responsible for this "win", because i had tried before to change on my own.

it was only when i begged god and cried out to him through my own frustration that the victory came.

i knew and know today that it was and is him. i could not whomp it up to get through the muck i was trudging through. it was too deep and too thick.

so the victory came.

and in my own celebration i was encouraged to applaud god. clap. clap out loud.

i suddenly felt like i was very gun shy.

what if this victory does not "stick".

what if i go back to standing knee deep in the muck and feel helpless again.

what if this so called victory is just my own feelings having a good day.

so i sit back and wait and watch and wonder,

and celebrate in the quietness of my heart,

knowing he is working and reshaping me and growing me,

and it is good.