heart and brain dump

I am having one of those mornings when I just need to talk... dump if you will all that is whirling around in my head and pressing in hard on my heart. Why these moments seep into my days I do not know or understand. I just have come to accept that they do come and it is a part of me, and how I am made. When the whirling comes, I call my dear friend and talk and dump it all out. I often feel like a dump truck backing up to her lap, raising the truck bed and letting it go. When I do that it releases it's power and hold on me, and I can move again. And my friend does an amazing job of listening, loving, and not judging me. I am blessed.
Today, I dumped some good questions and thoughts:
1. My body image. Sigh...
2. What am I doing with my life. I want to touch lives. Am I?
3. When will I feel like I have a place of "community" with a group of people?
4. Cleaning my house. It always feels like such a chore. Do most women feel like that. I so could embrace a full time cleaning lady!
5. There is a lot going on at work right now. Do I have what it takes to do my job?
6. I am amazed at people who will not take one ounce of responsibility for their actions. Everyone else is always at fault.
7. Will we enjoy "church" tomorrow? I so want to enjoy this new place and feel like this is where we belong.
8. I love God - the bible seems dry to me right now.
9. Am I normal? Ha! Of course I am not normal!
10. Do girl friends love us better than husbands? Ummm...
11. Gosh, I am middle aged! Is this a mid-life crisis beginning?
The dump is over and I am moving on. Off to clean my house and work in the yard. Then some grocery shopping and a trip to Home Depot with my girl friend. I will hug her and thank her for catching all my "crap" this morning and loving me irregardless. She is a treasure.

birthdays...

There is so much joy in celebrating birthdays of people you love. I did that yesterday. Celebrating Lauren's birthday is not only celebrating that she has added a year to her life, but it is celebrating that she has added life to her years. She has broken free from bondage and a spiritually abusive life style and she has in this past year learned about who she really is, not who everyone else thinks she is or how everyone else thinks she needs to live. She has walked in new shoes.. down new paths.. met new people.. embraced new grace and love.. and left the old behind. Leaving the old behind is a daily journey, but she does it well with a lot of grace. So I celebrate Lauren. I celebrate the new, the life that sparkles in her eyes, the joy that rumbles around in her heart, the humor that flies around us uncontrollable at times, and the simple fact that she knows she is loved.

Flying to Indiana

I am overwhelmed by non-stop work days that have been full of meetings, interviewing for a new position, paperwork and constant interruptions. We are now taking off for a long weekend visit with Jerry's Mom in Marion, IN. I am more than ready to sit on the plane and take a deep breath - a sigh of relief really and just enjoy some quiet and good reading. The flight is crowded. The plane is small. I am in the midde seat (there should never be middle seats!) with Jerry on one side of me and a very big man on the other. His arm is on the arm rest that we share. Clearly, he was in my space. The flight is noisy. I start reading my Leadership book and am soon distracted by the conversation going on behind me. 2 strangers talking non-stop. She is in cancer reseach. Whatever he does includes a lot of travel. Me... I am just trying to ready my book. I cannot focus. I am ADD. The big man is also very "techie". His hands and fingers are in constant motion. Flipping things... manuvering his Ipod or is it his blackberry... constant motion. There is also a small child that loves to scream - rather screech and make us all know that he is over tired and needs a nap, as his Mother explains. I think it is time for a little pill.
Jerry is reading The Shack, and can some how block out the world. Good for him. I am so distracted and amazed at the fact that everyone is not like me. Why do people have to talk and make so much noise? I just turned the page in my book, and I have no clue what I just read! The 2 behind me are still talking, but at least now I know why there is so much chatter. The woman is afraid to fly, so she talks. That helps her keep her mind off that fact that we are 34,000 feet in the air. So -I am still seeking quiet and alone time with my book... but thank you Jesus that I have my feet safely on the ground in IN.

Random Thoughts...

1. I love shopping with my friend. I don't think I could really buy a thing without her. She knows what hangs well on me. We undressed a mannequin or 2 yesterday trying to find that sought after size 2. Calvin Klein.... Ann Taylor - all on sale!
2. A 21 year old saw me at the office this past week. He came in with a co-workers husband to drop off car keys. Once back in the elevator this 21 year old said to my coworkers husband, "who was the chick with the funkie hair and rockin' body"? Me!!?? I laughed so hard when I read that in am email the following morning. Though flattered, tell the 21 year old boy, I am 50 years old and could be his mama!
3. "Mom Judy's" email yesterday gave me a lot of "life". She is consistent in her love of me. She prays without ceasing. She encourages me with her words. She is a good example of how I want to be to my friends.
4. I was reading some old emails between Lauren and I from 2 years ago. We were then getting to know each other. She was covered up with anything that would protect her heart, and the friendship we were growing into would strip all that covering away. She got in touch with her heart and who she really was. It was a sweet, sweet time.
5. My parents are 75 and 86. They just got home from a bus trip to the Smokies. I chatted with both of them yesterday. They were so full of life and fun conversation. I am thankful they still get out to see the world and enjoy their days and live life. I want to be like that when I am older.
6. I love talking with Debbie Gee. She is one of the most hilarious people I know! She is unique.. and just oozes of herself. She doesn't have to do much to make me laugh! I just love her!
7. I love my yard. There is peace there. There are also a bunch of mushrooms in random places. Where and why do they decide to just pop up?
8. Jerry looks so awesome after 3 days of not shaving. I cannot convince him that he needs to look like this everyday!
9. I don't think I will shower today. I am comfortable in my favorite baggy shorts.. Nike T-shirt.. and a baseball cap. No gel for spiky hair... no make up. Just me being all natural.
10. Today is a day for naps..reading and some work.