... seasons
some are full
some are empty
i appear to be in an "empty" one right now,
the last few weeks - um maybe the last month has felt that way.
the fullness of life that was carrying me along life's journey is different;
close friends seem distant
work is very stressful and busy
i am walking with anxiety
there has been a lot of pouring out
there is not a lot of pouring in
i am ready for a change of season...

... so you journey down life's path,
full of meanderings, hills, valleys, mountain top views, forests so thick you cannot see where the clearing is, endless views of a dry desert, and in that journey you also encounter rain, hard rain, drought, hot sun, a breeze, a gentle breeze, fresh air and air that is stagnant. but you do it... you keep walking. there are victories and defeats. battles fought and won. battles fought and lost. you are hurt, you are damaged, bruised, broken, cut, and in much need of a rest and healing.
so you journey down life's path,
and there is also grace, love, the strong grip of a hand that holds you,
and you make it.
you look back and you see victory in the pain.
you look back and you see your capacity to love has grown.
you look back and see you have changed.
you look back and you see that you were not alone after all.
the darkness no longer holds you.
the pain is not so painful, the cut is beginning to heal, and there is hope
that wraps around your heart now.
and should you ever doubt it, you don't, and you know there is a God.
... and so you keep walking...

another birthday and random thoughts...

... i woke up with an expectant heart on my birthday and loved knowing that it was my day to celebrate my life. i love my life. i love where i have walked and the lessons learned. i love the times of plenty and the times when there was not so much plenty. it has all been good, and woven into what makes me- "me".
jerry walked into my office at 6am singing "happy birthday"... where he found me surrounded by books and my laptop and a mired of thoughts and prayers.
it would be a good day.
i have so much to be thankful for.
the love and grace and blessings began to fall in an endless stream of little gifts that i was able to hold close to my heart and ponder all day long - and keep pondering.
i heard from old friends that were in my life "for a season" and they reminded me how much they loved me.
i was able to "touch" a new friend and actually look at her eyes and hear her voice and embrace a few moments of her time.
there were text messages, e-cards, facebook posts and phone calls - each bringing a warm blanket of love that wrapped around my heart.
i chose to celebrate with jerry (of course!) and another couple and girlfriend over dinner. they are my family. so there were pictures and laughter and talking and love.
i am full.
my cup is full.
i have been given so much.
yea me - it was my birthday!