nails...

so.. there are 2 "situations" that lead me to pick at my nails...

1 would be our last trip to visit my family in Rochester, NY:

• driving in the rain on I-85 south - with big trucks crowding us
• being a passenger in the car on the rainy road to the airport
• crowded airports with all kinds of people in my way who don't speak english
• going through security and having to remove my bracelets and necklace
• waiting with 563 other people to load the plane
• being called to load the plane and then waiting in the tunnel walkway
• being on the plane and watching an endless stream of people that keep coming on board
• sitting on the plane as it gets very crowded - noisy and hot and stuffy
• feeling like i cannot breath on the plane as we wait to move away from the gate
• wanting to feel more air through that little tiny blower above my head and no matter how i turn it, nothing changes.
• feeling like i am about to have a panic attack as i sit in my seat on the plane
• and finally... turbulence on the plane in the air at 30,000 feet

2 would be walking my mother through www.expedia.com website to purchase tickets to come down and visit us for Thanksgiving:

• we are on skype and she is yelling
• she doesn't understand that it is okay to open another browser "window" while talking to me
• she wants to see me but the new window covers me up
• we proceed not seeing each other and it works
• she needs to know how much long term parking is Albany NY airport
• she needs to know how to get to long term parking at Albany NY airport
• we decide spending the night at a hotel is best and let the hotel shuttle mom and dad to their gate and not worry about long term parking
• 53 minutes later we have an itinerary

i consider it a major miracle ever time i fly and i arrive back home in one piece, still breathing with all good attitude and my luggage.

the tickets are purchased and mom and dad will arrive for Thanksgiving and we will not have to take a plane ride...

chat moment...

last night i got to chat with a re-acquainted friend who was hurting
there was depression
there was anger
there was grieving that had left her with a void,
a hole,
she was in the pit
i understood where she was
i have stood in a pit before
you feel alone, and emotionally there is no light
you want to move past what you are feeling,
but you can't move, you can't even get your foot off the ground
you are stuck
so you hurt
so you ache
so you cry
i hated where she was in those moments we exchanged words,
but i loved being there with her
i know she will eventually move from this place
i know she will hurt
i know the moving will take time
i know she will wonder if God really cares,
and does He know any of her pain?
i know she will feel like she cannot move because she is stuck in the muck
i know she will feel the weight of the pain in her heart,
and she will be convinced it is breaking
but i know she will make it and she will move from this pit
she will grow and become even more "real" than she was before
she will eventually leave the pit and when she recognizes that exit,
she will be a different person.
there will be a freshness in the air
there will be a sense of renewal
there will be joy
and eventually joy that overflows,
spilling and splashing on all those that walk with her.

new...

.... so jerry told me i was "keyed" (to bring to a particular degree of intensity of feeling, excitement, energy), up today!
ha ha
i am!
i am being so very spoiled by god right now.
there is joy
there is a freshness in the air
there are new friends, new lives touching me,
and jerry,
there is laughter and the pure joy in getting to know another human being.
learning about where they have "walked" and experiences they have lived.
and we laugh ...
we laugh a lot... and we laugh deeply... and it feels good to feel joy.