random thoughts...

...life is not about me,
but some days i act as if it is.

i have been in touch in the last 2 days with 2 dear friends
they live 500 miles + away from me
they are struggling, hurting, lonely
i want to help

jerry and i spread a truck full of mulch today
that is so filling for me
i am convinced you can take the girl away from the farm,
but you cannot take the farm out of the girl

lauren and riley
a cute pair

why do i want - umm... the need to have everything perfect?
my hair, my clothes, my house, my yard

i loved the movie "the blindside"
yep - lots of tears

i love that God gave me the chance to love lauren and be there for her as she walked away from bob jones - and fundamentalism. where would she be today if jerry and i had not been in her life? i wonder if she would still be teaching there.. still wearing long skirts and hiding..

ice cream was awesome tonight... just sayn'

over load....

i seem to be in a season at work where i am constantly over loaded.
my brain feels "full" all the time and i just cannot absorb one more piece of information into it.
but more "stuff" keeps coming at me and then i have that feeling like i am drowning,
trying to stay afloat but pieces of papers, people asking me questions, meetings, phone calls, constant emails, tasks that need to be done now keep bogging me down from that "staying afloat" place.
my brain cannot hold onto all the information.
i have impatience in listening to "needs".
i want to close myself off from everyone and just try my hardest to get to a place where there is peace.
i feel like all day long i am in a world of constant motion and of people needing me.
i want to drown.
i know i need to "step up", get it together, be more organized, draw some boundaries, be more attentive to the details, don't drop any balls.
i hate being stretched.
i question my skills and abilities and if this is what i want to do.
but for today it is where i am,
so it is what i will do.

today and yesterday...

my cell phone alarm went off at 4:40
the coffee was dripping
my clothes were laid out
and i was off to the gym.
there is a peace and quiet in the routine of the morning now,
i actually love getting up early and knowing a work out is waiting for me.
i love knowing that i meet up with lauren there,
and both of us with our ipods attached to our ears just do it!
we work out
we are there for each other,
and it is safe and good.
my mind drifts through the pages of my yesterday,
thankful for breath and life and my God that holds onto me.
i reflect on the sweet time with dee at lunch,
and our conversation ranging from hormones to husbands to feeding each other with words for encouragement. i am so blessed by her friendship and love. she is a gift to hold on to.
and i remember the work load that is before me right now and the sweet interruptions of emailing debra - ha - we multi-task well!
amazing that 2-3 sentences in an email can reach out and hug me.
we connect and quickly are caught up with each others lives.
my day ended at home with Jer
my husband, my friend, my protector.
we worked on our budget for our Financial Peace class.
we did well, and i got impatient once and he got angry once.
but we cleared the air and forgive each other and moved on.
and we have a budget.
i love the gal on idol (crystal) with dreads and know lauren will want to see her.
she is raw, natural talent.
so the day was good yesterday
and today has the potential to be the same.
resting in grace and seeking to be filled with love,
so love flows from me and spills onto those i touch.

a void...

... to live and breath and know that you are living with purpose,
you make a difference,
every day.
your passion is being lived out because you are following your heart,
and you know who you are and what you are suppose to do... and you do it.
if you were gone, you would be missed... there would be a void...