Getting to 50...

I can now say I have done the 50 thing.

I turned 50 on June 30th.

It did not hurt.

I still look the same and act the same.

I am not depressed.

It is okay.

But it took 6 months... or longer to get to that place of being okay with this aging process.

Getting older is a strange event.

One that we cannot stop,

and we can choose to embrace it or be depressed about it.

I allowed depression in this area for a season,

and that is only because I was already in a season of depression, so the aging thing just settled in nicely along side of my crappy mood.

What had I done with my life all these years.

I cannot live them over.

Have I made a difference at all in anyone's life?

Do I matter?

And what am I going to do now that I am older...

Blah blah blah

Medication has helped lift me from this pit.

Talking about my fear of aging with a dear friend has helped

loosen the grip of that hand that was tightly squeezing my heart,

and leaving it limp and without joy.

There is hope in every day I live.

Hope that I touch another life with my words,

my touch, my love.

I have no plans to do anything big. I have no script laid out to follow.

I walk in love and grace with my God and trust He uses me

as He desires....whether I am 50 or 31....or 51.

I try to live and love with an open hand and an open heart.

That is all I know how to do today.

And it is well with my soul.